October Connections video: A tough leadership lesson (and a sweet new face)

When we talk about resilience in business, we’re often talking about weathering challenging market conditions or tough team situations.

Sometimes, though, resilience emerges from unexpected circumstances in our personal lives that directly affect how we show up for our company and our people.

A few months ago, I had one of those circumstances come up in my own life. The unexpected grief and the challenges I faced as I moved through it colored everything.

What I found on the other side, however, was something beautiful. It showed me how important it is to let your team support you sometimes — even (or especially) when you’re in a leadership position.

I hope you’ll watch this video and take these important lessons back to your own life. But fair warning, if you’re sensitive to hearing about the loss of a pet, you might want to skip this one.

Watch the video.

Hi there! Erin Koss, CEO at Syte Consulting Group with you here. Today is kind of a personal post and one that I hope will resonate for many of you who have maybe been in the same situation. Earlier this year, we lost two of our three precious dogs. As many of you who have pets might appreciate, sometimes these pets of ours do feel exactly like that, like our family members.

These guys that you see in front of you here- this is our big girl, Allie, who was about 13. Our little girl is Sadie Jane, who was about six. And then Champ, the little guy in the middle, who’s now three and a half. This picture was taken above Crater Lake some years ago. Unfortunately, we were expecting to lose the big girl. It was a hard thing, but we were expecting it. Then we lost Sadie Jane tragically and unexpectedly about a month before Allie’s passing.

So we were down to one guy and this is kind of our tribe here. Our good-looking tribe and we just love these guys. They give us a lot of joy.

They keep us outside and they keep us active. They keep me in a baseball cap more often than not. After we lost Sadie Jane and Allie, it was devastating and more traumatic than I expected it to be and had never experienced the loss of a pet myself before we were left with this guy. And so we let the codependency begin. Suddenly, we were thinking that here’s our guy. We’re his and he’s ours.

He missed the girls, and so did we. We just had all these new experiences together and just didn’t realize we were possible. I share this with you as kind of a story of what comes next. What comes next? After dealing with grief in a very real way and just walking through the summer into the fall with just him and my husband.  We knew we would get another Brittany Spaniel.

As you can see, we’re big fans of these guys. We knew we would get another one, but we weren’t planning to do that in a rush. But very quickly, lo and behold, we started building a relationship with a special breeder in Idaho, who, in fact, we’re probably going to do a couple of litters with our new puppy, who we got in September. And so we got Janie!

Sadie Jane was our middle girl, but we got Janie Mae in Idaho in the middle of September. She was eight weeks old when we got her. The story that I want to share with you today is one of resilience and beauty of support and asking for help. As business leaders, it’s hard to ask for help and it’s hard to feel strong and confident in the team and with the people around you that are there to support you.

But you’re used to being the guy supporting everybody, right? That’s kind of our role sometimes in a leadership position. Not only at the time that we lost the pups did my team really show up for me as I went into kind of grieving in a way that I hadn’t before. Then when I got home with this puppy and thought I was going to work a regular week, I know for those of you who’ve gone through this, I was delusional and wasn’t able to keep a meeting on the schedule all week. Certainly, I able to work, but not in any scheduled kind of way.

When we first got back, it just was not going to happen. What I came to was just to really appreciate the process. It looked a little different than I expected. Recognizing the team that we have behind us at Syte Consulting Group and behind me personally that really showed up and leaned in and supported when I needed it at that point. It was just extra help and a little extra a bit of their time. It was also such an exercise and personal resilience on my own. It was experiencing the loss in a way that was unexpected but also working with a supportive team that includes my family as well as our team at Site and our clients.

We have relationships with our clients that we can be honest with them. It was something like telling them that this is what’s showing up for us and we need your help here. This week and this month might be a baseball cap version because I’m getting up early to walk a puppy or to do some of these things that have come up that look a little different than I expected. This is the kind of an exercise in resilience and helping understand for me what support looks like. Finally, what does asking for help look like? This is a place where many of us as business leaders and people who are capable don’t love to be. But it’s about learning that it’s not a place of weakness but it’s a place of strength. Those examples that we set for those around us when we ask for help are remarkable.

I did not realize that to be true until I didn’t. I am grateful for that as well. As I work through the first month, we got her in the middle of September. We’re now almost the middle of October. She is doing outstanding and I am so grateful for this.

One of the worries we had was how was the dog that we had left? This is Champ. How was he going to respond with going from being a baby dog to having a new baby dog? He wasn’t always loving little dogs when we were roaming around the neighborhood, and I was really concerned. The hypervigilance of those first couple of weeks was a lot more emotional and unexpected than I imagined it to be.

Again, through lots of great support and with friends, family, colleagues, and clients, we got to a place that looks something more like this. We didn’t think this is where we were going to be three weeks later.  Here she is showing up with us and my husband getting to meet her for the first time. And then who doesn’t love a side eye, right? This side eye kills me every time.

Then, this is her favorite toy from our friends in Idaho who live 15 minutes from the breeder where we got her. We got to stay with them the first night we were there. They Gray family, who have been tremendous friends of ours for the last 30 years, we just really love and appreciate them. They are fellow dog lovers and that was super fun.

Then, we get to the place where we can play and get to the place where we are today. I just want to share that story with you as a place of the journey I’ve been on in the last year. It’s the thing that’s keeping me in baseball caps m these days and just how grateful I am for getting a lesson and really start to internalize what does asking for help look like.

What does receiving support feel like? What are the ways we set ourselves up for being able to be resilient when hard things happen? When do we need to take a pivot and make some adjustments? The question that I would have for you is how are you leaning into those around you that could provide support or help you when you need it? Are you asking for the support that you need when you need it? Going it alone is no way to go.

I think we’re all stronger together. We’re all better together. I’m learning that at this point in my life repeatedly and I encourage you to ask yourself maybe where you might learn that or get to embrace that as well.

I would love to hear your stories of those who have shown up for you? Where have those opportunities presented themselves to you and how have you responded? I would love to hear your stories as well. If you have a great dog picture or dog story, we are always open to hearing those here at Syte Consulting Group. Thank you for being such great supporters of us in our firm and our people!

We love you a whole bunch! Thanks, guys. Take care.